We’re pleased to announce the winner of the January WWWC: Margaret Crohn. Responding to the prompt ‘time and again’ Margaret’s epistolary ‘Welcome to Our Town’ chronicles one side of an explosive disagreement.
Read her winning entry in full below.
Welcome to Our Town
Dear Dorothy,
Welcome to our lovely township of Wattle Hill. We are delighted to see that you have bought the old McDonald’s cottage and hope that you will enjoy getting to know your friendly neighbours in First Street.
We would like to invite you to join the Wattle Hill Ladies’ Guild, the township’s largest and longest running social and progress group. We are very welcoming of new members, and we offer a plethora of interesting and improving activities year-round.
Our next event will be the 2024 Cake-off. I am attaching the Rules and Regulations, as well as submission form, in the hope that you will consider entering some home-baked goods for our eminent judges’ perusal.
Looking forward to your involvement in our little community.
Kind regards,
Elva Evans
President, Wattle Hill Ladies’ Guild
12/12/23
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Dear Miss Peversham,
Thank you for your entry of ‘Sour grape scrolls, group of 6, no icing’ in the 2024 Wattle Hill Bake-off Competition.
Unfortunately your entry, while innovative, tasty and visually appealing, was disqualified for contravening Rule 21 of the 2023 Wattle Hill Ladies’ Guild Official Cake-off Guidelines and Protocols. This rule quite clearly states that fruit scrolls (group of 6, no icing) must be devoid of cooling rack-marks on the underside, and that the scrolls themselves must be of uniform height and diameter.
On all three points your entry was considered unacceptable, and respected members of the Committee made the decision to remove the aforementioned items from display before viewing by the general public, in order to maintain the high photographic and culinary standards that our annual competition has, time and again, been commended for.
You are welcome to collect your items from the Convener’s tent before 5 pm on Wednesday coming. If you they remain uncollected by Thursday am, they will be donated to Mr Shorebridge’s A-1 Chicken Farm along with any unclaimed horticultural produce.
Yours sincerely,
Elva Evans
Chief Convener, Wattle Hill Ladies’ Guild Official Cake-off 2024
8/1/24
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Cease and Desist Order #002.24
To D. Peversham,
You are hereby advised that a Cease and Desist Order has been applied for and legally granted against you, in response to your recent actions in the jurisdiction of Greater Wattle Hill.
You have been cautioned that in Wattle Hill acts of wanton property damage and/or vicious slander are not acceptable.
Your trespass and graffiti on Friday 12 January 2024 at the A-1 Chicken Farm, and verbal attack on Mrs Evans outside the Wattle Hill Post Office, were unprecedented in our town and will not be tolerated.
Please note this is a formal warning and any repeat offence will become a court matter with potential fines and/or imprisonment.
Bert Evans
President, Wattle Hill Progress Association
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February Update
To the Householder,
We are pleased to advise that the delightful two-bedroom cottage at 7 First Street has recently become vacant and is now on the market.
Such properties rarely come on the market, as Wattle Hill is such a tightly held area. Should you be looking for a neat investment property, or have friends or family who would enjoy a tree-change to the serene lifestyle that we have come to love here in Wattle Hill, then please don’t delay in approaching me about this wonderful opportunity.
This is an urgent sale as we believe that there are numerous legal and financial issues that are triggering the owner’s relocation.
All offers will be considered.
Joel Evans
Principal, Wattle Hill Real Estate and Petrol Station