Des Ryan was born in 1952 in Geelong, Victoria, and having no say in the choice of birthplace, still supports the Geelong Football Club. A serial failure seeking a good way to hide his intellectual shortcomings, he went into journalism after school. He managed to remain in radio for much of the 1970s by mouthing the words. In the eighties, he joined Messenger Newspapers. Observing the affairs of local government, Des soon realised the key to a long career was an attention to trivia, not to detail. He was made the editor. Needing someone to write a weekly column to challenge his own prejudices, he hired himself.